This year has been one of the hardest of my life both personal and professional. Pressure. I feel so much of it. Pressure to be perfect or close to it online, because I’m told almost on a daily basis that I’m an author and shouldn’t post my opinions and personal life or I am going to alienate my readers and peers.
I’m tired of that, and I’m tired of feeling like I can’t express myself as a person, because yes, I am a person with feelings and opinions. While I do agree that some things are better left in private ( like my personal problems) some things deserve to be shouted about.
Anyway, back to that word again-pressure. I have some of the best readers there are. They support me and read anything I throw at them. I love you all for that I do. I’m so thankful that you are excited for the next book, I truly am. However, my personal life imploded this year and things have been hard. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends and I’m tired of trying to keep up appearances, because if I put myself out there I’ll lose those readers who love my words.
I shouldn’t feel this way, but it’s been beaten into my head from fellow authors. Keep everything professional and I agree to a point, but I feel like I’m losing myself in the strive to be perfect.
I can’t do it anymore. I am done trying to cater to what I think others expect of me, because I’m just a girl in love with words.
When’s the next book? I get asked this daily and yes I am grateful someone wants the next story. I am so grateful, but when I get asked that simple and innocent question, here comes that word again- pressure.
I want to give you the next book in my Black Rebel Riders’ MC Series, but here’s the thing, it’s not finished. Sometimes the words pour out of me and sometimes they dribble out slowly.
In 2014 I wrote and released 4 books in the BRRMC series. In 2015 I slowed down and released only 2, but to be fair I did write and release 3 other books. This year I have written and released 3 books, 1 short story, and have 3 stories in anthologies. I released 5 other books between 2013 and 2014 that have been unpublished and are being reworked.
What I haven’t told you, is that on top of writing my own books, I co-wrote 7 other books as a ghost writer, in 2014 and 2015. That’s a total of 28 stories in less than 3 years. That is a hell of a lot.
Anyway, I guess the point to this is I have to slow down, I can’t keep going at the pace I have been. If any of you feel the need to be perfect online, stop it, it isn’t worth it. Be you. Share your ups and your downs, just be you. People will like you more for it.
While I may not be pushing books out as fast as I was, I promise you that I will be me and keep it real. No more of this pressure that is drying up my creative well.
I love to write. I live it and breathe it. I am pretty sure I bleed ink and words. I have a paper heart that feels a bit crumpled up at the moment, but I’ll flatten out the edges and smooth those creases.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for your support, it means the world to me.